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10 ways to ruin a relationship


By Edna Laryea

The end of a relationship is detrimental to either one or both parties involved. However, some relationships end because of our own selfish pride or wrongdoing. Even when it’s not our fault, here are 10 ways we can unintentionally ruin a relationship.

1- The Past Is Over: Whether it's by our significant other or our best friends, we all have been hurt in relationships. Either way, reliving the past and the times that you were hurt by that person can quickly lead to an argument and a failed attempt to move forward. When we allow what others have done in the past to affect us, it can have a negative effect on our current relationships. Let go of resentment, stop living in the past and learn to move on.

2- No Boundaries = Yes to Problems: Not setting proper boundaries from the start, can lead to miscommunication about your wants and their wants. Many times, relationships fail because the people involved want two different things. Set boundaries as soon as possible and continue to build on them as your relationship grows.

3- Taking the Person for Granted: We've all been guilty of this one. Knowing you have a great person or friend by your side and sometimes not appreciating them as you once did. You no longer make them a priority or you aren't as sensitive to their wants and feelings because well, you just figure that they're always going to be around and they should know you love them, even though your actions say differently. Even when life gets busy, it's always important to remember to make the ones we love feel appreciated.

4- Lack of Trust: Trust is vital to all relationships. If your friend or significant other has a difficult time trusting you, then the relationship won't go far. And vice-versa, if you lack trust in your new relationship because of your past, that will create problems, problems that could have been avoided.

5- Miscommunication: Communication is also important in any relationship. How else can you really get to know someone without communicating with him or her? It's important not to enter a relationship with lies or confusion. If there's anything to clear the air about, when the situation is brought up that is always the best time to discuss it. Some things are better left unsaid, but anything that may cause confusion or needs to be clarified should be discussed as soon as possible. Always tell the truth.

6- Not Knowing Who You Are: It’s important to get to know yourself before getting into any other kind of relationship. Maybe you've allowed all of your past experiences to define you, and you know what you don't like or won’t accept in a relationship, but you don't know what YOU like to do in YOUR free time. It's important to get to know your likes, your passion, your desires, and your favorite foods, instead of what you've become accustomed to. In knowing yourself, you'll be able to share that part of you with others. Learn your love language and let others love you the way you need to be loved.

7- Not Knowing The Other Person: For lack of a better word...SELFISHNESS! Yes, the thought of a new relationship excited you so much; you forgot that you actually have to get to know the other person. You've spent so much time getting to know you, that now it's hard to stop babbling about yourself, or doing only the things that you like or doing them your way. Remember a relationship or friendship involves more than just you, and although it's great to know yourself, it's also important to get to know the other person as well. Not just on the surface either, it's important to dig deep, see how they react under pressure, during an argument, when things don't go their way, and during a loss. Get to know them so that down the line, you don't potentially lose a good thing because you were only focused on yourself. Learn their love language so that you know how to love them, as they need to be loved.

8- Too Much Pride. The inability to control your anger and temper, not wanting to communicate when you are wrong, or to back down when you see that things are escalating or and you don’t see any of this as a problem; all of these are a result of pride and could break up any relationship. Having too much pride could also lead to not supporting others, because you think you're better than whatever it is they enjoy doing so you find yourself looking down on them. Even God's word says, "When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with the humble is wisdom." (Proverbs 11:2) Put pride aside and be wise!

9- Telling your friends EVERYTHING: And by everything I mean, the good at first, followed by the bad only. Your new relationship has led this person to confide in you and only you and instead of keeping things to yourself, you tell your friends. But it doesn't stop there, you continue to focus on the negative and now, your friends aren't too sure about this person, clouding your judgment. Remember, when someone shares their past with you, this isn't the opportunity to run and tell someone else, but for you to be a friend to them and help them through their situation.

10- Not Praying Together: You both pray and read the word, but you never do it together. It's always "I'll pray for you". In order for anything to work you must believe together and agree to it before the Lord. Pursuing God together is vital for any relationship because it promotes growth and a hunger for him. Plus the Bible reassures us that, "Where two or three are gathered in my name, I am there in their midst." Matthew 18:20. As cliché as it may sound remember those that pray together stay together!


11- Leaving God Out: We're so desperate for God in our singleness or our lonely period when all our friends have abandoned us, but as soon as we start forming new relationships, we kick God to the corner and only use Him as a crutch. Leaving God out of any relationship leads to its downfall. Not because God doesn't want the friendship to blossom but because you begin forgetting who you are without Him. Without God, we don't know that the past was yesterday and that it doesn't have to follow us into tomorrow. Without Him, we don't know what our boundaries are and how to set them. Without Him we don't appreciate, trust, communicate or let go of our pride. It's the most important thing for any relationship, so continue to keep God at the center of it ALL!

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